Most of which for were for a poem I wrote and posted as a Valentine's Day surprise for my girlfriend two years ago.
I wonder if I inspired any other love poems today?
That would be a good thing if I did.
I like being able to express myself and I think I did a pretty good job with that poem. Back then, we had been together for a few months and everything was fresh and exciting. I was still determined to take it slow since I had been hurt a few times before. I really didn't want to get hurt again. I think I captured that well in that piece.
I took our relationship for what it was, or more aptly, what I thought it was. Unfortunately, she and I didn't seem to ever get on the same wavelength.
Maybe things just weren't meant to be between us. Maybe I screwed everything up by not committing to her more fully. I never cheated on her but I did keep certain parts of my life separate and boxed away. And that wasn't fair. I know that now.
I decided to keep all of this off of my blog, partly because she asked me to, but I know she still reads it from time to time, and this silence isn't conveying what I would like to convey to her.
I want her to know that I still think of her, that I want nothing but the best for her, and that the best for her probably never was me. For that I apologize.
We had some good times and when I recall them I smile. She opened my eyes to things I'd never seen before and I am a better person because of her influence.
Some times I play those mixtapes I made just for her and I can hear her in and between the songs.
Valentine's Day is a Strange Beast.
When you are alone and hurt, everything seems to be amplified and the sorrow is hard to avoid. When you are in a relationship, the pressure to live up to a perfect romantic ideal can be worrisome.
Sometimes, everything can just be perfect, when two people are truly on the same page. If that happens more than once and more often than not, hold on to it, write a poem, make a mixtape, take some photos, and look back and remember those times and do your best to never let that flame get extinguished.